Helplessly Trying to Help Others

We have been here for nearly 3 months now, and we are learning that missions is not all ministry and activity, sometimes it is waiting and prayer.  We expected this to a certain degree as it takes time to study Russian and form relationships, but this process has been more challenging than we anticipated.  For 2 years we prayed about being here, dreamed about being here, and shared that dream and vision with others.  It takes so much effort to get here and so many people give in order to send us that as a missionary you want to repay that investment.  You get to the mission field excited to serve and help others, and then you realize you are the one who needs help.  Help to communicate, help to figure out how to live here, patience and kindness from Ukrainians to help with loneliness, and help to even get an opportunity to minister to orphans.  It is a humbling process.
         
          While we know this phase will not last forever, the most difficult apsect of life here so far is the overpowering sense of uselessness we feel.  Being away from friends, family, & what is comfortably familiar can be difficult, but we would be much more willing to make those sacrifices if it immediately led to lives being changed and the Gospel advancing.  When that is not the case, the impatience and discontent that often lies just beneath the surface in our lives quickly surfaces.  Scarcely a week goes by that we don't ask ourselves, "Why are we here again?"  Then we remember that the purpose of this move was never going to be seen in 3 months, or 6 months, and it might not be seen by us at all.  Our job is to obey our Heavenly Father, and usually that obedience includes a time of waiting.  In my mind I was prepared to do great things for the Lord but not prepared to simply wait on Him.  However, as we were reminded recently by a pastor and good friend, waiting starves the heart of its idols, and teaches us Who is running the universe and Who is running our lives.  We pray this period of waiting and perceived helplessness will lead to a life and ministry where the excellence of the power will be of God, and not of us.